brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
