he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just cropdusted the office
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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