I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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