Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the day after is always just damage control
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
