I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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