my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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