I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So much rum. So many feels.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
