im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
