When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
