I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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