you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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