There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
