I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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