I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
