you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
