Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
