If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
