Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize