Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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