i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
