i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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