Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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