since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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