Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
