Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
