i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
