So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize