Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
