oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
