Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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