I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
