We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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