Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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