I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize