Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
