i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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