i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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