WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
