I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
