yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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