My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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