i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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