we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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