i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
