hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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