If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
