he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
