Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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