Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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