I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
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we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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