new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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