Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
