yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
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If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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