OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
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