our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
