What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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