Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
