words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
