I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have aggressive nipples.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
