Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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