Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
