dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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