Just took my morning after pill in the library
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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