yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
