we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
