she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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