Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
