the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
