Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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