i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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