problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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