I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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