I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
