A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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