Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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